Ignite Change with Amber J

Compassion and Curiosity: The Power Duo of Self-CARE

June 01, 2023 Amber J. Lawson Season 1 Episode 3
Ignite Change with Amber J
Compassion and Curiosity: The Power Duo of Self-CARE
Show Notes Transcript

In this episode, we dive deep into the power of self-care, focusing on the C.A.R.E. acronym. We kick things off with compassion and curiosity, exploring the importance of putting our own oxygen masks on first.  I’ll guide you through powerful exercises to tune in, reflect, and discover what's truly going on within you.

As women, many of us often prioritize caring for others, but it's time to break free from that mindset and give ourselves permission to fill our own cups. By developing the first “C”, compassion towards ourselves and others, we can break free from the shackles of judgment and embrace a more empowering perspective. The other “C”, curiosity allows us to uncover the hidden stories and beliefs that hold us back, paving the way for growth and transformation.

I challenge you to explore your triggers, understand their origins, and cultivate a deeper sense of empathy. Together, let's create a world where compassion and curiosity reign supreme. Remember, you are a magical being on this planet.

Download your free copy of my Woman on Fire self-care guide:  goddessprocess.us/download-the-self-care-guide-opt-in-page

For more of Amber J and info on Women on Fire, visit goddessprocess.us

Amber J  0:00  
compassion is rooting for someone else's suffering to end compassion for myself and others. What if I went out into the world and realized Everybody's got something going on? And they weren't all rooting against me? There was a time when I thought I had to be in battle mode. Because everyone was against me. Let me tell you something. Nobody concerned with you. Really. People are so consumed with how we are presenting in the world, what we look like in the world that I come off. Okay, the whole, you know, the whole story that's happening in your mind. They're so consumed with this worried about you, boo. So what

did we take the pressure off ourselves and realize like, other people don't really care? So let's ease up on ourselves. That was easy. Hey, do I see you welcome back. I see you working on this journey. And I acknowledge you for digging deep. If this is your first episode joining us or your 100th, we're happy. I'm happy to see you again on the igniting change podcast with your host Amber J. Lawson. I am here to work with you to give you tools to ignite the fire that is in you to stoke the flame to agitate and expand our capacity to burn not to burn out. But to reignite that passion in ourselves, whatever chapter we are in. And sometimes that means burning it all down. I am here to get lit with you. That's right. So today we are digging into the care self care, the acronym for self care. The first one is see compassion and curiosity, compassion and curiosity. So self care putting your oxygen mask on first. So many times as women we have taken on the role of caretaker, putting others ahead of ourselves. It's been modeled in generation after generation. And frankly, there's some shame around it if you don't, in some cultures, I experience martyrdom in the feminine being celebrated at oh and or expected. And if you are not, then you are selfish. Can you relate? If you take time for yourself or create a boundary, that you are somehow doing it wrong, that is wrong. That is wrong. If mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy, we get to fill our cups first. And I am here to give you permission, although you do not need it to fill your cup first. The assignment I left you with last time was to do the radical act of self care. One radical act of self care, maybe that's a walk around the block, a bath, a massage, reading a book, meditating, dancing, being out in nature, there are a million ways in which we can tune in and you need to figure out you don't need to do anything but you get to figure out what yours are. Everybody is unique in this what actually fills your cup. Someone getting a massage, maybe the worst thing for them, like don't judge me while others that is ultimate luxury. So, if you haven't done your radical act of self care, this is your ticket to ride. So pause the podcast right now and book it in your calendar. And or do it with me as we are on our journey today. Cool, cool. Because the more women who are filling their cups the more women who are rooted in their wise woman wisdom, the more women are fully self expressed and leaning into their gifts. and talents, the more times you are leaning in to your gifts and talents, speaking your truth, the world, the planet just operates better. The world works better when women are in their true authentic self. This is an act of service to the planet. When you put yourself first, because here's the thing, the empty cup, there's a million metaphors. But if there is no juice left in the cup, that is you the vessel that is you, then you're no help to anyone. You know, it's the oxygen mask, put your oxygen mask on first. Because if you are dead on the floor, you can't save your children, or the person next to you or the elderly person. So the metaphoric oxygen mask, what is your oxygen mask in your life? All right, this is the wake up call ding ding. Today, we dig into compassion and curiosity, compassion for myself and others. One time I hopped into an Uber, and I was in a hurry to get somewhere and my Uber driver was talking on the phone very loudly in a foreign language. And yet, I could tell that he was distressed. And one could take it as like, Hey, this is my ride. I paid for this. Although I don't know that we're that people if that were the people, but I could tell something was going on. And when he got off the phone, he apologized profusely and said his family had been taken hostage in a foreign land. He was trying to negotiate as he was driving. Could you imagine your family in a foreign land and you're negotiating for their safe return? No. Thank goodness, right. So you never know what someone else has experienced? In fact, I saw a comic today Adam Grant posted about I'll tell you about all the things but don't ask me how I'm doing. Because I will lie to your face and tell you I'm fine. Because the truth is, and my friend Aviva does these workshops held where we ask the question, what's really going on? What's really up for you? You know, I'm scared about my diagnosis. I'm worried about finances, I'm worried about my relationship. I am angry that the world is XYZ. Just even voicing that to another person is an act of intimacy. And do you have people in your life that you could practice this with? An easy step is obviously getting a group a women's circle? Maybe your church is that we had that on clubhouse on daily kickstart, we had very intimate sharing, releasing, maybe it's a friend. But it's a really good inventory to see who in your life is a safe space for you to share what's going on with you? What is truly going on with you. What's interesting about this is yes, the act of sharing that act of intimacy, but it's also checking in with yourself as to what is going on with me and here's a quick little lesson on how to tune in. So put your feet on the floor. Maybe you want to close your eyes, you don't have to close your eyes. It helps me to kind of shut out the outside world. Sometimes I put my hand on my chest and on my tummy. It just kind of grounds me I can feel my heart. You don't have to do any will maybe you like a mudra whatever. But the idea is to ground yourself take a deep breath in pulling from your feet. Hold it at the top Sip, sip, sip and blow it out. I don't know if you can feel instantly how much more present. You are in your body to go oh what's going on in my body. We'll practice this more in our embodiment practice but just taking a breath getting present literally this takes three minutes. And then what is going on I'm with me. Pretty happy today. Happy the sun's out. Happy I feel healthy. And energized. I'm happy I'm recording. I'm anxious as

my diagnosis stuff unfolds. But I feel, I don't want to say, oddly, I feel pretty grounded, and I feel supported. And I feel like I have a path. Yeah, that's what I feel in my body today. So, like, just checking in for a minute or two on what's really going on with you. And then take it from there. Even sharing that with yourself and then reflecting in a journal. At first, a lot of the women I work with are so used to moving on to what's next. That if they only knew how, just that act that we just did that practice of slowing down long enough taking a deep breath in and tuning in, like what is going on with me? Well, I feel good that the sun's out today. How does my body feel they feel anxious, they feel angry, or I feel pretty calm and neutral. How that sets up my day how I go out into meetings, because what's going on in me gets all over everybody else. Whether we pretend that it doesn't. We fake our way through situations but the fact of the matter is, people know if we're telling the truth, people know if how we're presenting is the truth. And we impact the people around us so stop pretending like you don't I used to think nobody was affected by how I walked into a room or how I was behaving in a meeting or how my relationships were unfolding. But that is frankly selfish. You are a magical being happening on the planet the fact you're here is an oddity act like it act like the queen that you are act like the hot piece of ass you are act like the Goddess that you are act like the woman on fire and let's get lit. All right, I'm done ranting. Okay, so compassion for myself and others, you never know what someone else is experiencing. Half the time we don't know what we're experiencing. That was what that exercise was just about. So you are ahead of the game. If you take time to just tune in to what's going on with you. Maybe you lash out at somebody and you're like, Whoa, let's put the genie back of the bottle here. Breathe, reflect, speak into it, and put words to it. You know, when you put words to it. It also takes away that Mystique, the outside of myself. And by naming it you know, we're auditory or sensory. We all learn in different ways. So see how it resonates for you what's the most impactful for you? Hope this is helpful. Let me know if this is landing for you. If you practice this, I'll give you a gold star. You're doing great. I am proud of you. Okay, so compassion, feeling compelled to relieve the suffering alludes to kindness, and sympathy. Compassion is rooting for someone else's suffering to end compassion is rooting for someone else's suffering to end? What if I went out into the world and realized Everybody's got something going on? And they weren't all rooting against me? There was a time when I thought I had to be in battle mode. Because everyone was against me. Let me tell you something. Ain't nobody concerned with you. Really, people, human beings are so consumed with how we are presenting in the world, what we look like in the world that I come off. Okay, the whole, you know, the whole story that's happening in your mind. They're so consumed with this worried about you, boo. So what if we took the pressure off ourselves and realize like, other people don't really care. So let's ease up on ourselves ease up on ourselves. That was easy, right? Let's be ease full. The second part of this is curiosity. Now, this is something I just added in the last spark 11 process that we went through. Having Curiosity has been a breakthrough for me, and that's why I want to share it with you having curiosity for why I'm true Girl buy something, when I'm triggered, it just means that's a wound for me. If someone's rubbing me the wrong way, what is that? It's a reflection of me that I don't like about myself. Like, Oh, you mean I can't play victim and blame it outside of myself? I'm 100% responsible for 100% of my results. I know. So when I get curious, say someone in your life reacts a certain kind of way around something or behaves a certain way around something, and stead of condemning them or chastising them or making them wrong fill in the blank. We got curious where that came from. And not from that judgy place of all, if something was to happen in your life that you're acting that way? Well, yes, probably something did happen in their life, whether we're conscious of it or not, that has them protect their selves, and our cells yourself. That we then have built up a muscle put up armor protection, like if you recall, in the origin episode, when I talk about when I went into transformation, had a big shield of armor on protecting myself in this veil of perfection. That was merely an illusion. getting curious, I get to understand others, traumas, stories, issues, and have compassion for them. We all have traumas, we all have stuff, we all have stories that impact how we navigate life. It's how we choose things. How I, I chose to navigate High School and Beyond, because I felt I wasn't good enough. So by God, I was going to become good enough, I was going to find a way. When I am curious with myself and others and one of the women and women on fire is going through a divorce. She does not like her ex husband. And one of the actions he has taken is lie about finances. It was not a comfortable conversation between me and her but I'm here not to be comfortable. I'm here to interrupt your life to ignite change. So you know, lighting a fire causes friction. Right? If we're gonna get lit, we gotta get turned on, we gotta get we got to create friction, we got our release our old stories or old beliefs well, it protected us in a way to be right and righteous, if my partner is the bad guy, if that co worker is the one doing it wrong. When I get curious, what I unfold is, as a man in today's society, if I am not making money, I am then not valuable. If my wife makes more money than me, and I make that mean something about me. That's again, the story inside the story. We tell ourselves, maybe it's something I've reinforced in the relationship, like you gotta go make money. And if you don't make money, you're not a part of this household. I mean, how that is a toxic feminine trait coming back at the masculine, toxic trait is I gotta go make more money, or I gotta lie about it. Or I got to make my partner feel bad. Then you perpetuate. I am a victim. I'm out here doing all the things. And I'm not even appreciated by my partner. Do you see how this cycle perpetuates itself? How it can go on and on. So when I get curious, what had us co create an environment where it wasn't safe for him to talk honestly and authentically about money or how he spent money or where money came from? Or how he spent money? How many of us have a coping mechanism of spending money? Me? Me I have an Amazon on a fast button. Are you kidding me? That is where I go so Oh, and food or

alcohol? Right? All things I'm aware of and addressing and he in this scenario is a conscious of it. How did we co create this dynamic. So when you become the conscious one, which the divine feminine is the emotional consciousness of the planet, so usually you get to go first. I know it's not fun, it's not fun to have to be the one to open our heart to come in vulnerable and vulnerably sharing and opening up that I too, may have been a culprit in this, I am culpable in the co creation of the dynamic we have created in our household, but we have created around money for example, or our sex life, or the roles that we play in the household. Good good conversations will continue to come back into especially around money because money is a good masculine feminine container for us to dig in even deeper around this and you know, hit me up if you have curiosity around this I can send you to some episodes and some resources around this if you want to, you know play ahead because I know we're all super achievers here high achievers, if you want to play ahead, you can go to David data is a really great resource is my teacher in understanding the masculine and feminine energies and the polls and why that is important and how it's been so flip flopped. You know how I say I was doing it like a man. Right? So every day, how does this come back to self care? Thank you for reining me in. Self Care is our practice in the feminine in slowing down long enough to listen to my authentic self, to my intuition and my truth inside. That may mean walking in nature taking a walk around the block, dancing to a song, getting into a bath, getting a massage, going to bed early writing in a journal, riding a bicycle. Are you getting my drift here? My friend Cheryl is our you should follow her on all the channels came up with a term called Jomo, Joy Of Missing Out when you are a recovering High Achiever like myself, doesn't mean you're still not high achieving, but not at the detriment of your health. And well being Jomo is Joy Of Missing Out, this has been a muscle I have been working. I'll give you a little story here. A little embarrassing, and I and that's what I'm here to do. Here to share the truth, like my authentic experience, and hopes that you see a reflection of yourself and maybe that eases up the fact that you're not a weirdo. You're not alone, that there are others in the world having a similar experience. And it's okay. It's okay, we're all alike figured it out as we go. So I'm here to share. So Joy missing out. There is this thing called summit at sea. And I went in 2016, right after the election, and I was devastated. And it was kind of early in me hanging out with this group of influential power players around the world. And I don't like big on cruise ships. I don't like being out to sea. I don't like partying all night. And I didn't have a clear vision of why I was there. So not only was I like an emotional wreck, because the state of the world but also because I really didn't have direction or purpose at that time. I was very early on my transformational journey, this time around. And it was lovely. But it was a little bit of a boondoggle for me. Now, this is a great organization. I'm big fan. I have lots of friends in it. And they announced last year that they were going back out to sea and Without even waiting a beat and doing the breath. Right. Is this really in alignment with what I'm up to in the world? I didn't do that. I was just like, I gotta get a I gotta get a ticket. I gotta get in right away. And I put plunked down $5,000 and bought my ticket, not looking at the dates, not seeing if that was something that actually truly resonated. Just go. Can you relate? Yeah. So whether it's buying that thing or eating that thing or You know, right? Fear Of Missing Out, like the cool kids are gonna go and I'm a cool kid and I want to go. I don't want to not be considered a cool kid. Then it came around this year to go. And I had time to slow down and think about it. I realized, I don't like being on the ocean. I don't like being on a boat in the middle of the ocean, even if they are the most amazing people in the world. People I really enjoy that is not in alignment for me. And I'm just launching this podcast. Is this really what I'm up to? Does this align with my vision happening in the world? I'm not speaking there. I'm not running a workshop. I'm just going to have fun. Yes. Make connections. Yes, it will be a blast. Yes. Would I learn some things? Absolutely. Would I get to have a great time with my friends? Yes. Did I need to do this at this time? And especially now that I'm on this journey? No, now, and it pings in my feed. Now I see people getting ready to go and I have a little bit like, and then I remind myself, what is my aligned right action? Is this moving my vision of supporting women forward in the world? Not at this time? No. So I get the joy of missing out of working with you being with you going deeper in the work I am doing here with the women who are attracted to this journey. That's my vision, living, Joy Of Missing Out, Jomo and my friend share today as when I'm recording, this is launching her NF T line and their web three experience. And I'm so proud of her, one of my dearest friends. So this is just a reminder, what is in true alignment, whether it's going to that dinner or conferences, I used to go to conferences all the time, part of it was just showing up and being there. And it generated gigs for me, I generated clients and that was great. That's not what I'm up to right now. That's not in alignment, and it is a waste. For me at this time, a waste of time. So slowing down long enough to get clear. Get clear. Ah out my right, next action is. So today in your act of self care, your radical act of self care, I invite you to take the step of see compassion, and curiosity. These are great journal prompts, if you're a journaler. Right? What is curiosity mean to me? What do I get to be curious about today? What are areas of my life I really haven't sat with in a minute. If you go to my YouTube channel, I think it's goddess process YouTube channel. I have a ton of meditations there. I'll invite you to. And then notice, the second prompt for your journal is, what is the relationship I may have some friction about right now. In my life. There's always some that's like, well, that's a little crunchy. Oh, so take one of those and get curious about it. Maybe it's an opportunity. And I invite you into this, the opportunity to deep dive with someone and get curious with them. Have the conversation, not just your assumptions about them. But when you're in a neutral place, get curious and ask the question, know what goes on with you when this situation happens. I'm curious, I want to know, a deeper experience. Maybe it's a word trigger that their mom or dad or it brings up a feeling of fight or flight in them. And you having this information. That's not your intention when you ask them to take out the trash. Can you relate? Yeah. So get curious. It's an invitation to get curious with yourself and others.

I'm very interested to hear what you want to cover. Share it with me. And I will see you in our next episode. Where we do You a affirmations though that care, compassion and curiosity a affirmations are ritual e energy. All right, let's get lit. For igniting your change, let's get lit.

Transcribed by https://otter.ai