I was inspired to start this podcast not only because of my own journey, which I'll reveal over the course of this episode, but also because of the women that I have encountered as an executive through transformation and those I teach and experience in life now.
I'm so grateful for this journey, and I'm excited that you're joining me on it too. Here we go, sharing, reaching back, and bringing others along with us, sharing the wisdom we find, and being open to new wisdom along the road.
I'm here to provide deep dives, insights, information, and wisdom to help you on your journey, no matter where you are. It can be scary, but it's also exhilarating. Together, we'll explore the possibilities and discover what this next chapter holds for you.
The exciting part is that the only person who can write those rules and create this chapter is you. It's time to embrace all the options and opportunities available to you. Welcome to this new season of your life, where YOU'RE in control.
For more of Amber J and info on Women on Fire, visit goddessprocess.us
Amber J 0:00
Welcome to ignite change podcast. I am Amber J, your host. And this is the origin story. This is episode one. Why am I having this podcast at all? Why me why now always a good question to ask. There is a big reveal in this episode, it really sets the path of the journey that we are going on. There are insights wisdom stories that I made up about myself 30 years ago, and how I've been doing it like a man. So sit back, or lean in and enjoy this episode, the origin episode of Ignite change. Hello, and welcome to what I'm going to call the origin story, the foundational episode of the journey we are going on together in igniting change in our life, I was inspired to start this podcast not only because of my own journey, which I'll reveal over the course of this episode, and over time, you're gonna get all the stories of me Amber J, but also the women that I have experienced as an executive through transformation. And then those who I teach and I get to experience in life now. I'm so grateful for this journey. And I'm excited that you are joining me on it too. Here we go. Just reaching back and bringing others along with us sharing the wisdom we find being open to new wisdom along the road. I am Amber J. Lawson, your host I'm based here in Venice, California. It's finally a beautiful day here. I am so excited. My trusty companion Leo J. Tolstoy Lawson is that my feet he is 11 year old pug the love of my life. And we're gonna go on this journey. So what I thought would be important, and we'll touch on this at the end is to share my story. What brought me here, the transformational journey I went on. So you don't have to. And the tools that I have accumulated that I will unveil throughout this and throughout my programs. But I want to give deep dives. And I want to give the insights, information and wisdom. So that it may help you on your journey and where ever you are. Maybe you're experiencing issues in your relationship, maybe you are going through a change in your body menopause, aging, dis ease in your body, maybe you are transitioning through a job, maybe it's a job you loved for a very long time. And it's not fulfilling you the way it used to. And that's confusing because I know for me, I thought, I'm going to be an entertainment, all of my life. Well, that's taken many different shapes and forms over time. I'm still in entertainment, but I run a nonprofit, and I do this. So being open. It's scary. It's super scary when you designed whether you consciously or unconsciously realize this, you designed your entire life around this goal, this vision, maybe it was proving something in your life. And now in our 40s 50s and 60s, we are seeing the results of that and whether we like it or not, or whether it still fulfills us or not. It's okay. That something that used to really light our fire now isn't as passionate isn't as fulfilling. In fact, it can be a burden it can be putting out our fire we are burned out around how we have handled certain chapters of our life. And now there are no rules for this season of our life. And we're here to discover a that we write the rules. These are our rules to write and that can be scary. What I am in charge I am 100% responsible for 100% of my results. Yes. How exciting is that? How to terrifying is that. So? I am here to give you some tools to help you discover what this next chapter will be all about for you. And spoiler alert, the only person who can write those rules who can write this chapter, this story of your life is you. Ah, oh, what if I can't blame it on somebody else on culture on society, on my husband, on my children, on my weight on my fill in the blank on my education, on my circumstances. Welcome to this chapter of your life of having all the options, all the opportunities available to you. And that's the journey
we're gonna go on. Yeah, yeah, you Yeah, me? Yeah. Yes. So I am Amber J. Lawson. I come from Raytown, Missouri, suburb outside of Kansas City. And I'll tell you, I had a moment. I'm gonna tell you the cheerleader Sir, I didn't know this is where we were gonna go straight out the gate. But when I was in eighth grade, I tried out for cheerleader and I had it in my mind, if I got cast as cheerleader if I was picked for the squad, that the rest of my life would be set up. I did all the moves, and nailed it. And I didn't make the team. I thought it was because I wasn't pretty enough and I was too fat. So I was bound and determined that I was going to succeed no matter what. And I saw in the back of the yearbook, that there were accolades. There were some that were short, and there were some that were long. And if I wasn't gonna be cheerleader, my life paved for me that way, I was going to pave it myself. And I was going to have the longest accolades. At the back of the book, I went on my quest, through high school. Now the next year, I auditioned and I made the cheerleading squad. In fact, I graduated my senior year, I was spirit queen, thank you very much. And I had joined every club, I had won every award, I had done all the things. Anyone here this like super achieving in order to have my value in society to be valid in society to win at life. And cut to first of all, work that muscle. Notice the moment where I learned that muscle the same with Hollywood, I was going to work my way into being a star. So I did it, I grinded it out in everything that I did, knowing that if I worked hard, or with the belief that if I worked hard enough, I could be successful in life. And the kind of good news bad news is it worked. I was successful. When I showed up and was consistent. I got hired and hired again. And people could rely on me. I could pave my own path. I didn't have to get approval from outside the outside world. Other people, I would make it No wonder I became an independent producer. No wonder I did everything from an entrepreneurial point of view, which is a wound which we'll talk about on another episode. What I found out, I don't know maybe 30 years later, I was at home going through, you know, my mom was having me clean out like My Hope Chest from high school. And we were going through things and we were talking about how I didn't make the freshman squad in cheerleading, and how that had changed the trajectory of my high school experience. And my mom shared with me, she said, Oh, it wasn't because you weren't good enough that you didn't get on the squad. It was because you had written dirty words in a Mad Libs. And Richard Wehmeyer had reported you and you got in school suspension. And because you got one day of in school suspension, you did not qualify to be on the squad. What What are you talking about? All of this time for 30 years, I have gone through life, thinking I was not good enough that I was too fat and not pretty enough in order to succeed in life. And come to find out it was because I had at one moment written dirty words in a Mad Libs and gotten in school. suspension. It was the only time ever in my educational career had I ever gotten in trouble. It was a stupid thing I gotten in trouble for and how stories we make up about ourselves, our lives shape, the trajectory of our life. I became an overachiever because I thought I wasn't good enough on my own, that this wasn't enough. Boy, who does that land for? I mean, do you see yourself in this where there are stories that you have created in your life? Maybe somebody has said this to you or that you made up like, that was a belief I made up that wasn't true. That shaped 30 years of my life. Yeah, let me know if you can relate to that. Yeah. Anyway, so
what I filled myself with was becoming an overachiever being an independent producer going out, not following the studio system, not following the agents not asking for approval, but creating my own path. It has been the story, it is the muscle, I have worked the most. I am independent woman hear me roar. What I found myself was in the boardroom, the only woman surrounded by men, jet setting around the world, with men, the only woman on the day as table in foreign countries partying all night, I thought I had to keep up with the guys. The good news was I was surrounded by a group of men who loved appreciated and respected me. They taught me how to navigate how to show up in these situations, how to deal with deal making on an international scale. What I didn't know was because I was the only woman and mind you at that time, another woman in the room met competition, it felt like there was only space for one woman at the day is table on the panel, and which was, frankly, kind of true. So I couldn't show weakness to other women, I couldn't help another woman up because that would mean I would get knocked off my pedestal. And so I continued to be the only woman and the an unconscious, the unaware piece that was unfolding was I was doing it like a man. I had built up my masculine traits, we all have feminine and masculine traits. And I had become transactional. I had become pointed and purposeful, which is great in doing deals, but not great in relationships, that engage three times I went through with none of them. Part of it was suicidal thinking that was what I was supposed to do. Part of it was not wanting to be alone, but truly not knowing. I didn't understand vulnerability, and certainly coming from my masculine, that was just not allowed. I equated vulnerability with weakness, if I were to share my feelings, to not have it all together, in fact, as a woman in business in corporate America, as an entrepreneur, asking for money, I felt, tell me if you can relate that I had to show up and it had to be perfect that there are no holes that can be poked in my presentation in what I was bringing forth into the world. And if there was I had failed, and there would be not a second shot, there would not be another chance to show up to that we couldn't collaborate that we couldn't co create whatever this was that if it wasn't perfect, I was out and not just this project was out, I was out. So I would work twice as hard dance backward in heels. And with fear that if I was found out not knowing all the things, who knows all the things, nobody knows all the things. In fact, we do better when we collaborate together. I can't see all the potential pitfalls, the opportunities to expand the vision, the project, the script, the video, the brand campaign. Fill in the blank. If it's just me in a vacuum, I am only my experiences. And my experiences are not the world's experiences, which is a whole nother kind of words will unfold the whole masculine patriarchal vision of the world making choices, policies, products that only fit a certain type of person. white male, not white male bashing fact, patriarchy. That is a whole nother bag of worms that we will get into at another time. The point is that I had built this muscle of masculinity. And I didn't realize I thought my life was great. Actually, I was making money, I was traveling around the world, I was getting press, I was pretty full of myself. And that was great. It all shifted, you know, it sneaks in when you least expect it. I had gone to an Oscars party. With one of my clients, we were a little tipsy in the back of a limo leaving the party and she said, I am part of this leadership program, I think you would really enjoy it. Why don't you sign up and take it? And I was like, Sure. I trusted her. Of course, yes. Whatever you say I am signing up in the back of a limo I signed up. Little did I know my life would change from that moment forward. I showed up at this course. Which again, very closed off, having it all together. Don't see my cracks don't see my heart. Fear that if you did and rejected me, didn't accept me that I would literally die. I had built up so much armor, they didn't even know that I was shutting off any potential deep connection, any connection that was meaningful. I didn't even know how to have that. And no slight on my upbringing. I think this is a whole nother episode also, but our parents do the best they can. They only know what they know. And they're their wounds. If they haven't been through any kind of therapy, or emotional intelligence, expansion work, they're gonna get that all over you. They just don't know better. They don't know what they don't know. And my parents, listen, what you see was successful. My parents are and were proud of me. And I didn't know there was a whole nother layer available. So I went on this journey and through the course of about six months, opened my heart was seen fully embraced my gifts. saw where I was settling for mediocrity, where I was dimming my light, for fear of what was on the other side, not knowing, not being able to control the outcomes, opening my heart and loving fully saying the things that I was afraid to say to people for fear of rejection, fear of blowing things up in my life, not being complacent in the relationships, I was in expressing love where there was love cleaning up, oh areas of my life that were not authentic. That is not fun.
And it is the most deep, nourishing, heart opening, expansive work. And what I needed thing I needed the most that I didn't even know existed. Going through this process. I noticed that there were so many women in my life, who were in the same situation I had been. So I was thrilled to invite them into this journey I had gone on. Then I began my journey of acquiring all of these tools that I was gaining in order to pay it forward to the badass women in my world, in the world of entertainment and tech and startups and entrepreneurship. These women who are out there doing it by themselves, moms, single moms arms, having to fund these companies these great ideas all by themselves, not having the tools to navigate suffering in silence, thinking I have to do it all alone. My biggest breakthrough in all of this well, there are many, and I'll share them along the way. But the biggest breakthrough was, I was in the middle of this chorus called grace. Now, and it's only women, it's the Sister Circle, Sister Council, where we come to say all the things. And it's the first time in my life, where I felt safe enough to say, what I was truly feeling, the things that maybe were not culturally or socially acceptable. But what I learned, what's happening in the eye is happening in the Wii is happening in the all. And when I share it, when I release it, it releases a valve in me, that I am able to be present with whatever is happening and to take the appropriate right action, not from survival, but from a conscious, intuitive clarity, of committed action. That's what I based my programs on. Clarity, clarity, and committed action, the three C's, I use it in everything is when I have clarity of what I want, what's in the way, I can then clear it out, release it, let it go. And step into with that clearing, I have openness, to get the information, not just a to do list not doing for doing sake, which we very much do in our society today. We've placed a speak for my I've placed a lot of value on the things I get done in today that I crossed off my list, but really is that in service of the thing I say I want the most my vision, but I actually value in the world, not what society or my friends, family. co workers say I should don't should on yourself should value, big ol rant. And the last is committed action. So then when I get clear on what it is that I am up to and creating in the world, what is the aligned right action to take, not doing all the things not making the website and the landing page and the email funnel campaign speaking from experience, seeing what my audience wants, what the people that I want to serve desire. And then giving them that giving them that piece of it. And what a weight high off your shoulders when I'm not having to do all the things I do the aligned right action. So that is why I am here. That's why I created all of my programs, women on fire my signature system, which is spark which sparks the women on fire, which I will go through and will build the foundation of and before I get into that I have a big reveal. I am igniting my own change in my life not only by starting this podcast and going on this adventure with you. But I am joining a club. As they say leaders go first so I am igniting change in my own life. I am joining the club, the sisterhood of breast cancer. I was just diagnosed with breast cancer. I joined the club of many who have come before me including my mom. What I am experiencing in this diagnosis is a deep sisterhood of women who are reaching back to those who are beginning this journey, sharing their knowledge, information tools. Two of the women who have stepped up for me in my life out of the gate. You never know who is going to be your warriors your ride or dies in moments of change when we're going through change and we're walking that tightrope of new information, new experiences. That's why I create these circles is that you don't have to go through it alone. And I'm not going through it alone. Lauren pelts, and Robin Feinberg stepped up, made sure I have the best of the best. As I am going through my journey. I'm going to share it with you every step of the way, as I go through this journey, and this is why I made the tool, this is why I created and acquired all of these tools is exactly for this moment. So I will be using them. As I go through this chapter of my life. I know this too shall pass. And you get to go through it with me. So I'm very interested to know if you have experienced breast cancer or a cancer, how community showed up for you the tools you used on this journey. I am here to receive your love your wisdom, your sisterhood. And, yeah, I have the C word that see you next Tuesday, although I can be that too.
But I'm on the breast cancer journey. And Jing added bonus. It's kicked me into menopause. Because I started perimenopause and big symptoms. Last year, as I turned 50, I started hormone therapy. And it was going great. It was finally feeling back to normal. I was going back to the gym, I felt like my emotions, my emotional health was pretty solid. Oh, I start because I put on so much weight, I started losing weight, they put me on semaglutide And come to find out that's actually helpful, supportive of healing this cancer, but the hormone replacement is not with the kind of breast cancer I have. So I have taken that out of my routine. And my body is reacting to it. So I'm having that change also says I'm having all the body changes, emotional changes of my body putting on weight. I am have concern around if I am not on estrogen, how will that age me? I feel very useful at 50. And I love it. And these are the things I am experiencing and I will share with you along our journey. how that unfolds. I'm very interested to hear how it is unfolding for you the changes you are experiencing in your life. Please share that with me. On socials. I'm Amber J. Lawson. We'll also have igniting change. So ping me there. What I am building in this podcast, it is very important for me is to give you the tools, we will refer back to them throughout this journey. And that starts with my signature program. My signature system it's a system is free for all the women and women on fire women on fire is my seven month mastermind. It is for women going through change. Whether that is whatever season you are in your life, maybe you're contemplating divorce, maybe you've had a divorce and you're going out and dating for the first time reconnecting with your body reconnecting with the pleasure in your body. Maybe it is you're doing a career change starting your own business, stepping into a new field. Maybe it's seeking your purpose. What's truly Igniting Your Passion in your life. And we build new muscles so you've been in your masculine you've run big companies, you're an entrepreneur, and you're shifting into a season of your femininity of community flow, putting yourself first these are all practices we work on throughout women on fire, but also based in the spark philosophy so spark stands for self care. We'll go through self care see compassion, a affirmations are ritual and E energy. P is prosperity, money, a abundance Am I willing to receive love, money, opportunity, possibility in my life, or am I shutting it down? The feminine isn't any we're meant to receive? Where are we blocking it. So we do tactical processes in Spark, that and we'll walk through that here and the various episodes, if you're hearing this, you can go to the various episodes, and deep dive into each of these tools and techniques, prosperity and abundance receiving, am I willing to allow in my life, the masculine feminine energy, the next is relationships, I am the sum of the five relationships I have in my life, including the relationship with myself, we tap into the eye, the we and the all this spans over when when it's contained in the 30. Day, over four weeks. So the fourth week is community and contribution by purpose. And we go through an exercise where you source your purpose, how many of us are asking ourselves? What's my purpose? You ever ask yourself? Like, what am I here for? What am I here to do? Especially as we're reaching our 40s 50s and 60s, raising kids isn't at the front of our doing business, succeeding at our jobs, we've experienced some success, or we're choosing that the path we took doesn't light us up anymore. So choosing ourselves, what do I want? Not being at an of service to others. But not that we throw that out the window, but putting ourselves first putting our oxygen mask on first? What do I want? That is a radical thought for a lot of the women I experience. They haven't put themselves first for so long. That it takes a while to tune into what do I want? What do I need? What do I desire? What are my desires? Yeah, that's the transformational journey we're going on. That's the passion we are igniting. We're not we are reaching menopause, mid life, the veil is lifted of the invisible rules we have been following. Having zero fucks to give. There's just so much available, when you release the expectation expectations of society have relationships that we put on ourselves. And we step into our true gifts and talents that only you possess, that only you have. Life is now we have been waiting for you are waiting for you to be all that you are meant to be in this lifetime to express the unique expression that is you. And I'm here to journey with you. So it is an honor, a true honor to be with you on this journey. I hope you will follow us at igniting change podcast. I am Amber J. Lawson, follow us on all the socials, I want to hear all the things, everything that bubbles up on this journey. Any resources you may have, I'm here for it, give it to me, this is a give and take. I am not your guru. I am not sitting up on a throne. Although I mean I love a throne and a crown don't get me wrong. However, I am here to learn and to share, to give and to receive. That is the law of the universe. That is what we are here for. Sometimes I will get well we I'll try to give you a woo factor each episode, but there's always some value. I invite you to open your heart open your mind and embrace this change. Let's ignite parts of you that have maybe been put to sleep. I know a lot of the women who come into my world and into this orbit, have put away their pleasure in their body have put away feeling desirable have put away that passion that they had of starting that business or singing or expressing themselves in a certain sort of way. And I'm here to support you in the gymnasium of this season of transformation of your life. And you don't have to do it alone. It is an honor to be on this journey with you. Oh my god, I love you. Until we meet again. Let's get lit.